Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year, New Challenges

So you may remember in my last post how I so eloquently said goodbye to 2008. It was beautiful and moving, wasn't it? Couldn't you just envision those lovely Von Trapp children waving ever so gently, ever so slowly to the crowd of couture-wearing Austrians at their father's soiree while climbing the stairs at the end of the So Long, Farewell song as you read it.

Okay, I'm snapping back to reality. I was vulgar and not even close to eloquent, but it suited how I was feeling.

Now that the new year is upon us, I am looking forward. I start my new job a week from today, and to say I am nervous is putting it very lightly. It's not just about starting a new job. That's the easy part. It's the fact that I am going to be apart from Dave during the weekdays. And to let you know just how I feel about that, I just started to tear up when I typed that last line. There's a knot in my stomach and a hitch in my breathing.

Dave and I have friends who have five children...five! And when the wife was pregnant with number 5, the husband moved 3 hours away to take a job. The wife had 4 kids at home, was pregnant again, and had to run things without her husband. And search for a job closer to their new home. Now, before someone gets mad and screams at me that there are plenty of capable single mothers who do this every single day blah blah, just stop right there. I get it...I do. My point is that she wasn't a single mom. She was a mom who had to make do without dad because he was laying the groundwork for their family to move up. But she was still responsible for the daily well-being of herself and her kids without her partner.

My point in telling this story is that my situation is much more bearable than hers, so I shouldn't complain. But still. I'm sad that I'll be sleeping alone for 5 of the 7 nights a week. Plus we live in the center of crappy Ohio weather, particularly in the winter (2 words...lake effect!) so thinking I'll be able to come home every weekend is probably folly. Best laid plans, right?

I'm really preoccupied by this too. Dave is in New York right now with his mom who is recuperating from surgery. He called me on my cell today when I was driving back from errands. I was sitting in the car talking to him while getting all my packages together. I couldn't find my phone, though. I sat there frantically searching for my cell phone while it was...wait for it...attached to my right hand, held up to my ear. I think it took me several minutes to figure this out. I'm just scattered.

And that's just perfect for someone who has to pack up her daily life and move it in just a few days. I've already started lists. Plural. I have more than one. There's the clothes list, the bathroom list, the stuff list, the prescriptions list. I think I've already lost that last one, so I'll have to duplicate it. But all the lists in the world won't tell me how to feel okay about being apart from my best friend, my partner, the love of my life, the man I have come to depend on.

When I got married, I was so independent. I had lived alone for a long time, and I liked my alone time. I'm not that person anymore. One night is fine. Two is pushing it. Three nights apart makes me nervous. I need him with me, and that's not a bad thing. It's not that we're co-dependent. It's just that I WANT him with me. I feel like it's us against the world. He's my guy and I'm his girl. His
Nick to my Nora.

I don't want to get used to him not being there. But here we are, looking at at least 5-6 months of this. Sigh. I'm so thankful that this door has opened for me, for us. But I pray that another door opens soon, so it can be us again, and not just me.


Anonymous said...

(((hugs))) Just keep telling yourself that you are doing what is best for your family. Good Luck with the new job. Hopefully it turns out to be worth all of this nervous.

Simi said...

we just survived a month of being a weekend couple, it wasn't fun or easy.. but now we'll be the flip.. a week couple and i'll go be with my mom for weekends... i think it's a strengthning expereince for a couple, yes it SUCKS big time, but you really learn to value the good times and you KNOW it's temporary so... just gotta go with it and find ways to grin and bear it :) I wish you the best of luck! I'llbe doing the drive up 71 to 76 for a while also.. and I haven't ever yet (in the past 9 years of living in cbus) ever been deterred from a trip up north or down south by the weather. You just gotta do what you gotta do!