Friday, October 30, 2009

Letters I Would Love To Send

Dear Lady in the Seat to my Left,

Here's the husband and I came early. We knew what time the movie started and we planned accordingly. That is so we could pick out our seats. You and your husband were late. You chose to shoehorn yourselves into our row, taking the last two seats right as the movie started, even though there were other seats you could have had. I didn't say anything when your husband kept talking to you; I knew he would shut up eventually. And he did. Eventually. But here's the thing...when you get there late, you lose your right to the armrest. I was early. I claimed it. Did you really think I was going to give it up? Please! Next time, show up early.

Dear Every Other Driver on I-71,

It's called the fast lane for a reason. You camping out in it going ten miles less than the other lanes isn't really helping anyone. It doesn't matter that you're going the exact speed limit. Did you miss the signs telling slower traffic to get into the right lane? Guess what? If you're in the left lane and traffic in the other lanes is passing you, you are the slower traffic to which the sign refers.

Dear Ohio Turnpike,

Thanks for catching up to the late 1990s and finally using E-ZPass. You rock.

Dear Raising Canes,

Your sauce is crazy delicious. SO freaking yummy! But what the heck is up with your entrances to the drive-thru? It's like navigating a maze in a car. I feel like you're applying an IQ test before people can eat at your establishment. I'm not saying that's a deal-breaker.

Dear Adam from Man Vs Food,

I'm worried about you. Seriously. You need your agent to renegotiate your contract to include cholesterol testing, appropriate meds as prescribed and the occasional stress test. Hey, you're fun to watch, but there is no way you can get approved for life insurance. You need to think about the future.

Dear Any Bus Driver Who Gets the Chance,

Please run over Heidi and Spencer. Back up. Run them over again. Please feel free to repeat as you deem necessary. Thanks from a grateful nation.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Prayers Needed for Another Blogger

Please head over to Jen Murray's blog, 4tunate, and give her some support. If you aren't familiar with Jen or her blog, she is the mom of 2 1/2 yr old quadruplet boys, who are just as gorgeous as can be.

Her husband, Brad, was laid off from his position this past week, and they can use prayers and positive thoughts.

It's a bad time for a lot of people...Dave and I are so blessed that we are both gainfully employed and relatively safe in our positions. Having been through job loss for several months last year, I know how scary and frustrating it can be. Even though we are apart quite a bit, things could be so much worse.

Jen, I am praying for you, Brad and the boys. God bless!
My husband told me tonight that he has never read Where the Wild Things Are. I told him he needs to march back to his elementary school and demand a refund. It saddens me that the books I hold dearest in my heart are things he knows nothing about. What's worse...he called it queer. Should I punch him in the face now or later?

Obviously I'm not really going to punch him in the face. Especially since he just told me he did read The Monster At The End Of This Book, which is one of my favorites. He redeemed himself.

Apparently my husband doesn't have much of an imagination...or much use for it. Forty is so unbecoming to him.

I wonder if he will get over that if we have kids. Maybe. But I finally understand why he says things like "Stop reading so many books and watch some television." He's obviously not a reader.