Wishin' and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’

For two years now, David and I have been actively trying to get pregnant. I knew we would have trouble, because I was diagnosed with PCOS four years ago. I knew the issues and the odds, and that we would need help. But honestly, I really thought that once we started down the road of fertility treatments, we would have success.

I was wrong.

While we are really just at the beginning of treatments available to us, I know that as we cross a method off the list, the odds of us conceiving become lower. It's so incredibly frustrating. I see people bounce into each other sideways who end up pregnant. I see people who probably, for all intents and purposes, should not have children, yet they have no issues in that department whatsoever.

I think the hardest thing is watching cases of abused children...children that were born into such horrific circumstances that you just know the chances of them growing up unscathed are slim. What I wouldn't give to hold and cuddle and cherish a child, and there are people out there that throw them away like trash. It just hurts so much.

I haven't written about our struggles with this before, and I'm not sure I will going forward. But I needed to put this down, because things aren't going well, and it is very hard emotionally. I see little ones and I yearn to be a mother. And while I would never begrudge someone's wonderful news, I must admit that sometimes the pain and frustration is overwhelming when someone announces a pregnancy. I don't want to be the person that lists our issues as a kind of scorecard, because that just highlights my failures.

But I do want to ask for your prayers and/or good thoughts.