Friday, September 12, 2008

Wishin' and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’

For two years now, David and I have been actively trying to get pregnant. I knew we would have trouble, because I was diagnosed with PCOS four years ago. I knew the issues and the odds, and that we would need help. But honestly, I really thought that once we started down the road of fertility treatments, we would have success.

I was wrong.

While we are really just at the beginning of treatments available to us, I know that as we cross a method off the list, the odds of us conceiving become lower. It's so incredibly frustrating. I see people bounce into each other sideways who end up pregnant. I see people who probably, for all intents and purposes, should not have children, yet they have no issues in that department whatsoever.

I think the hardest thing is watching cases of abused children...children that were born into such horrific circumstances that you just know the chances of them growing up unscathed are slim. What I wouldn't give to hold and cuddle and cherish a child, and there are people out there that throw them away like trash. It just hurts so much.

I haven't written about our struggles with this before, and I'm not sure I will going forward. But I needed to put this down, because things aren't going well, and it is very hard emotionally. I see little ones and I yearn to be a mother. And while I would never begrudge someone's wonderful news, I must admit that sometimes the pain and frustration is overwhelming when someone announces a pregnancy. I don't want to be the person that lists our issues as a kind of scorecard, because that just highlights my failures.

But I do want to ask for your prayers and/or good thoughts.


erin said...

I so wish I had something comforting to say, something that would make it all better but I don't. I know that you will be a wonderfully loving and caring mother and I will certainly keep you in my thoughts!

Allison said...

((HUGS)) I don't think there are words that will make it better. But just know you're in my thoughts and prayers! If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me!

Julie D said...

You absolutely have every good prayer and thought I have coming your way.

And if those don't work, I will come over and grope you. It's worked before. :)


Julie D said...

Thanks for your good thoughts today, pumpkin. ((((hugs))))

Alice said...


It is difficult to come right out with such a personal statement. But by stating it, you learn of others, like me, who also have PCOS.

I am sorry to hear of your struggles and will keep you in my prayers.