Pssst...

Hi there! Yes, I'm talking to you, the good people at Edy's. Listen, we all know times are tough. I get that the cost of ingredients is constantly going up. But your new ice cream container, the one that is now one pint less than before? It's pathetic. And you know that, don't you. You're not stupid. And you also know that because I'm addicted to your Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream, I will willingly fork over the money like I'm trading cash for smack in a back alley. Well, no more, my ice cream purveying friends! I'm putting myself in ice cream rehab. I will no longer be a pawn in your game.

Okay, who's next?

Ah yes, I see you hiding over there in the corner, Hyatt on Capital Square. Listen, I'm all for advertising events. But I have been staring at that creepy-ass banner of Andy Warhol for eight weeks now! Eight!! And that event ended February 15th, according to said banner. Every morning, as I travel down 3rd Avenue from 670, that scary-looking man with dead eyes is looking at me, sending chills skittering up and down my spine. That's not a good way to start the day. Now, I know time gets away from us all, but you're a hotel. You have special software that keeps track of dates. Now why is it that you can keep track of what time someone makes a call from their room, yet you can't seem to remember that a banner needs to come down from the side of your building? It's three weeks overdue! Haven't we all suffered enough?!?

This is good...let's keep going.

This is an open statement to all of those people who are pulling ALL of their money out of their banks because they think President Obama is going to take it. He's not, you bunch of reactionary twits. He's also not going to seize money from "Republican Banks," nor will he "turn us all Muslim." Ignorance is not bliss, and all you're doing is lengthening the recovery time for this economic crisis. And if you take your money from the bank, hide it in your home, and it gets stolen, please don't cry on the news about it. NOBODY will feel sorry for you. If you are going to do stupid things, you have to expect really rotten outcomes. That's because you clearly need to learn a lesson, and it needs to be appropriately painful so you get it. Like we don't have enough problems already without this.

And last, but not least, it's time you and I had a little chat, whatever your name is who was just on The Bachelor. I don't watch it, so I'm going off what I read and saw online. Let's forget the fact that you have to be a pretty big narcissist to be on the show in the first place. Putting your three year old son on the show with you is awful. What, exactly, is wrong with you?!? And that whole debacle with the two women? Shameful. And as an aside to the second choice, whatever your name is: If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. But good luck. It seems pretty apparent that you two deserve each other.

Now can someone get that kid's mom on the phone and tell her to take some control. For crying out loud, he'll be in therapy at age 5 at the rate he's going.

The Big Update

Yeah, I know, it's been a while and there is so much to get caught up on but...

I just have to say...

this guy's eyebrows scare me to death!!!

Seriously! They are taking over his face!!! I just don't get how someone hasn't taken him aside and said "Dude. Listen. Waxing isn't such a bad thing." I think those brows are behind this whole "Jonas Brothers Take Over The World" plot. Those three metrosexuals are too busy applying hair product to actually be pinpointing their next move.

Yeesh! I can't even look at that photo for too long...it creeps me out. I'm going to have nightmares tonight. Giant eyebrows looming over me.

Chills. Up. My. Spine.

Where was I? Oh right...the update. Here goes...

Job? Awesome! Fabulous!! Love it!!! So happy I work there!!!! Coworkers couldn't be better!!!!! Can't stop typing the exclamation point!!!!!!

No, really, it's great. In fact, I'm having so much fun doing my job that I cannot believe it. Silly me...after my last job, I thought your managers had to make your life a living hell, had to be incredibly paranoid and think everyone was out to get them, had to take the joy and fun out of work, had to berate and belittle their employees until they all eventually leave. Turns out...not so much.

Living apart from Dave still sucks tremendously. In a way, I'm glad. I don't want to get used to being away from him. Fingers crossed that he finds something down there without too much waiting.

Living with Gramma and Mom? Easier than I thought. In fact, it's been great. Dinner is ready and on the table when I get home from work each night. Not bad, huh? And Gramma is a great cook, so that's always nice. Sometimes she even packs my lunch. I'm incredibly spoiled.

Oh, and I just bought two new pairs of shoes. Both slingbacks. Both black. But one pair is peep-toe, so they are totally different. And only a girl will get that last statement.

Here I Am!

For the past three weekends, as I'm driving north on I-71 to get home to Dave, I run though a ton of ideas for a blog post. But then I get home and they all fly right out of my head. I can never think of something to write about, and I don't really feel like doing it anyway.

These two days I have with Dave are so precious. Even if we're just sitting on the couch watching TV, I don't want to interrupt that. So time ticks by, Saturday becomes Sunday, and the next thing I know, I'm heading south on I-71. Back to Gahanna. The start of a new week. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Time just slips away.

So here I am, determined to type something, so that I don't feel like I've abandoned the blog.

The new job is great. The transition has been easier than I expected. If it weren't for the crappy winter storms we've been getting, I'd be going out more often after work. I have plans for three of the four nights this week, so that's a start, right?

Look, Cleveland, It's Not You. It's Me.

I know that breakups are hard, but it's really for the best. And trying to keep me here by throwing a foot of snow in my direction just isn't cool. So let's part as friends. We'll remember the good times, but it's better to make a clean break.

Listen, we both knew this was a temporary thing. I know that five years doesn't really seem like "temporary" to you, but you and I both know I would have hightailed it out of here long ago had the conditions been right. You were a waiting room, and now my number's been called.

We did have good times. Do you remember when I met Dave? You helped me meet him, so thanks! How about my first Indians game, when the weather was unseasonably warm in early May? The night was gorgeous, the hot dogs and pretzels were delish, and everyone was in a good mood.

And then you took off the side mirror of the car in some kind of fit.

Okay, maybe a little bit of it was you. Like remember in August of 2003 when we joked about how much fun the power outage at work was? We all got to leave 5 hours early and it was a gorgeous day? We had a picnic in my back yard and lots of people came. That was great. But then two weeks later you decided to take down the entire power system on the northeast grid. That was a little crazy.

Or how about after my first winter here, when I said that I liked snow. I meant that I liked a little bit of snow, in winter, when appropriate. But then you went crazy again and decided to send snow from the beginning of October until the middle of May the next year. You set a record, for crying out loud. 105" of freaking snow in one season, except the "season" included fall, winter and spring! You just don't know restraint.

I need to be in a place that freaks out when 3" of snow falls. I can't be in a place that gets 5-6" and they call it flurries! I'm not all that jazzed about "Lake Effect."

I'm not saying that I won't come back. I will, occasionally. We can still get together to reminisce about the old times. But for now, this is goodbye.